What Does It Mean to Feel Your Emotions? How Do You Do That?

In essence, feeling your emotions is all about uncovering what’s happening beneath your surface. It’s what lies beneath your smile, behind all the distractions and busyness that might keep you from facing your true feelings. We often say, “I’m good,” or “Everything is great,” when inside, we’re not being honest with ourselves.

It's easy to slip into the habit of ignoring or disconnecting from our inner world, especially after experiencing intense emotions in the past. If you've faced situations that provoked feelings too overwhelming to handle at the time, you may have learned to shut down emotionally as a self-protection mechanism. Without the right skills or support, it’s natural to numb emotions that feel too painful to experience.

However, this coping strategy can become a harmful habit, leading to a deeper disconnection from your emotional self. Ignoring your emotions can result in lost or strained relationships, as well as a disconnect from who you are. To cultivate meaningful connections with others and establish a solid relationship with yourself, it's crucial to develop the skill of expressing your feelings, both to yourself and to those around you.

Expressing what you feel can be challenging—it’s not something that comes easily to everyone. Furthermore, unless you invest time and energy into building a strong sense of “Self,” your ability to express your emotions will be limited. By “Self,” I mean the relationship between you and yourself, which is vital for connecting to your inner truth.

If you're out of touch with who you are and how you feel, articulating your emotions to others can be nearly impossible. Have you ever felt speechless or struggled to find the right words when someone encouraged you to discuss your emotions? If it has only happened once or twice, that’s completely normal. But if you often find yourself blanking out when it’s time to express how you feel, you might benefit from learning practices that enhance your clarity and confidence in self-expression.

My hope for this article is that you first acknowledge where you currently stand in your journey of self-expression.

**A Quick Recap:** Self-expression can be challenging because past difficulties have often led us to build emotional walls. Over time, consistently shutting down emotions can create lasting blockages. This reaction—conscious or unconscious—results in an inability to connect with ourselves or others on an emotional level.

**But Here’s the Good News:** Self-expression is a skill that can be learned and improved upon. You can dismantle those inner walls and become more open and expressive. It’s never too late, and it doesn’t have to take years to achieve this growth.

**Ready to Dive In? Let’s Get Started!**

In this post, I’ll highlight two fundamental steps to help you explore your inner world. Change begins with awareness, so using these two steps to connect with your emotional self will ease you into feeling. By intentionally focusing your energy on this aspect of your life, you’ll gradually become more attuned to your emotions. With practice, you’ll start not only to feel your emotions but also to understand them more deeply.

Our emotions communicate with us through physical sensations, feelings, and moods. Decoding these signals is essential for improving your relationships as it enables you to express yourself with more confidence and authenticity.

Step 1: Slow Down.🛑

Take a moment to assess the pace of your life. When you’re constantly busy with tasks and "to-dos," you don't allow yourself the time to feel your emotions. There's a fine line between being productive and being distracted. To connect with how you're feeling, you need to create space to "sit with" and process your emotions.

Being disconnected from yourself makes it nearly impossible to articulate your feelings clearly. How can you express what you feel if you don’t even know it?

The first step requires creating an environment where emotions can surface and be acknowledged. This is an inside job—an opportunity to reconnect with the parts of yourself that have been neglected or shut down due to past experiences. Slowing down allows you to sift through unresolved feelings that remain unprocessed.

If this exploration feels uncomfortable and overwhelming, that's completely understandable. If the thought of facing these emotions makes you anxious, consider seeking help from a professional. This initial step is crucial; without connecting to your truth and creating a safe space to explore your feelings, you will struggle to express your authentic self.

Step 2: Learn to Sit With Your Emotions. 🧘🏽‍♀️

We often go to great lengths to avoid facing our feelings. We distract ourselves with unhealthy relationships, alcohol, drugs, binge-watching TV, and excessive social media usage—among other things. Even seemingly positive activities, like cleaning or organizing, can become distractions and contribute to imbalance.

But here's the truth: when we bury our emotions, they don’t vanish. Instead, they become repressed, leading to overreactions, irritability, passive-aggressive behaviors, or even anxiety and depression over time.

To effectively address your emotions, you need to allow them to surface and be acknowledged.

**So, how can we allow emotions to come up, move through, and be processed?**

The key is to create space and welcome these “hard” emotions into our lives. This doesn't mean isolating yourself in a painful state, but rather embracing these feelings as though they were companions sharing a meal with you. It’s about engaging with your emotions without resorting to numbing behaviors, such as overindulging in alcohol or filling your social calendar to avoid being alone with your thoughts.

Here’s what that might look like:

• Instead of going for a bottomless mimosa with friends, try spending a quiet afternoon reflecting on your feelings.
• Take a walk by yourself and consciously allow your emotions to be present without seeking distractions or company.
• If you have a free weekend, resist the urge to fill every moment with plans; dedicate time to simply sit with your thoughts and feelings.

If you’ve been accustomed to avoiding your emotions, this may feel like a significant challenge. That’s okay! Initially, just becoming more aware of the emotions that arise can be a powerful first step. Pay attention to how your body reacts when difficult feelings emerge. Do you instinctively reach for a drink? Do you block out emotions by scheduling every minute of your day? Notice these tendencies and try to sit with your feelings instead.

Stay in Practice:

The more you focus on what you feel, the more in tune you will become. Over time, you'll begin to recognize the patterns and tactics you use to distract yourself. This self-awareness will help you take the necessary steps to acknowledge and engage with your emotions directly.

To support you on this journey, here’s a simple exercise you can practice in a quiet space with no interruptions. Give yourself about 10-15 minutes to engage in the following steps:

Step 1: Name the Feeling
When you notice a feeling arise, pause for a moment. Can you identify the general tone of that emotion? Is it positive or negative? Try to pinpoint the specific emotion without judgment. For instance, is it sadness, fear, shame, excitement, or anxiety? Take a moment to really understand what you’re experiencing.

Step 2: Tap Into the Feeling Physically
Emotions are literal "feelings" because they manifest in our bodies. Close your eyes and focus on where the emotion is located physically. Is it in your chest, throat, or stomach? Allow the sensations to be present without attempting to control or escape them. If they feel difficult, muster the courage to sit with them.

If you're struggling to connect with what you’re feeling, invite curiosity into the process. Ask yourself questions about the sensation: Is it pleasant or unpleasant? Is the energy light or heavy? Give your body permission to experience whatever is there, and stay with this for a minute or two.

Step 3: Explore the Root of Your Feelings
Shift your attention toward understanding the events or circumstances that may be driving the emotion—consider if it’s linked to a loss, a transition, a conflict, or a difficult conversation. Avoid getting caught up in assumptions or narratives about the event. Instead, focus on the factual basis of what you’re feeling. Ask yourself: What’s at the root of this emotion? Why am I feeling sad, anxious, or angry?

Aim to explore these feelings without self-blame or finger-pointing. The goal is to uncover what lies beneath the surface of your emotions. Stay present and breathe through this process.

Step 4: Ditch Self-Criticism with Kindness
As you sit with these feelings, it’s important to bring kindness and self-compassion to your experience, especially if what you’re feeling is painful or difficult. Resist self-critical thoughts and practice holding space for self-love.

Think about how you would comfort a friend experiencing the same feelings. You might tell them, “I’m so sorry you’re going through this,” or “I know this is hard.” This step is about treating yourself with the respect and kindness you deserve.

Learning to be in tune with your emotions and expressing them can indeed feel like a daunting undertaking. However, I hope these initial steps serve as a gentle nudge to break through the walls of avoidance that may have accumulated over time.

As you practice, your desire to understand and embrace your emotional landscape will bring about positive changes in various aspects of your life. You'll likely find that confronting your feelings fosters lighter emotions and allows you to handle conflicts more effectively. Remember, the journey toward self-expression and emotional awareness is a process, and every small step you take will lead you closer to recognizing and honoring the true essence of who you are.